Boys,
I recently read this article about 9-epiphanies one can have of their lives. It was pretty powerful stuff.
One of them, that life unfolds only in moments, is an image that is so clear in my mind it is as if it happened yesterday.
My realization came when I was working at an environmental education center in Navasota, Texas. It was a very rough time for me and I was having all sorts of difficulties. I was sitting on a bench, brooding about the upcoming day, and full of worry about something that I no longer remember. It was a warm humid day, as most days in East Texas are, and was close to fall. Some of the leaves were changing color and were beginning to fall, yellow was the predominant color but out of the corner of my eye I caught a small flash of red. I immediately shifted my focus to the red leaf and watched as it drifted toward the ground. It was backed first by blue sky, then green foliage, and finally the soft brown of the pine needles that carpeted the ground. As it lay there in stark contrast to it's surroundings I was struck that I was the only person on earth to witness that leaf's descent from the tree. There would never be another like it anywhere. No other leaf would fall the same way, have the same brilliant red, be dappled by the sun in the same place and none would ever touch the ground and settle in the same position as this. It seemed magical, I was there to witness the incredible event of a single leaf fluttering to the ground. It was then, as I stared at the red leaf, that I realized that life happens only in moments, sometimes so brief that you scarcely recognize them. It is recognizing these moments and holding on to them that gives meaning to my life. The day both of you were born are moments where my life unfolded and they are days I will never forget. This is what it means to live "in the moment", be present, recognize what is going on around you and never take it for granted.
Dad
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
New Beginings
Boys,
I have the greatest hopes for you. I want you both to be more successful than me and to have the lives that you want. I'll be there to lead you to make the best decisions you can, and to give you advice and help you when your in a rut. Nothing in life is going to be easy and I'm sure there will be plenty of obstacles and suffering. But remember suffering is pain that hasn't found it's meaning.
Sam,
All of the previous letters were written for Ethan, but they will apply to you too. We are so happy and excited to have you in our lives! When I started this blog I had no idea that you were coming. I'll try and write special letters just for you and some just for Ethan, but mainly they will be for the both of you.
Ethan,
So your little brother was born back in October and you have done a fantastic job of being a big brother so far. You were very excited for him to arrive but Mom and I didn't know if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl. You had your heart set on a little sister, but you seem very happy that it turned out to be a little brother.
I have the greatest hopes for you. I want you both to be more successful than me and to have the lives that you want. I'll be there to lead you to make the best decisions you can, and to give you advice and help you when your in a rut. Nothing in life is going to be easy and I'm sure there will be plenty of obstacles and suffering. But remember suffering is pain that hasn't found it's meaning.
Sam,
All of the previous letters were written for Ethan, but they will apply to you too. We are so happy and excited to have you in our lives! When I started this blog I had no idea that you were coming. I'll try and write special letters just for you and some just for Ethan, but mainly they will be for the both of you.
Ethan,
So your little brother was born back in October and you have done a fantastic job of being a big brother so far. You were very excited for him to arrive but Mom and I didn't know if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl. You had your heart set on a little sister, but you seem very happy that it turned out to be a little brother.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Wow
Ethan,
I can't believe it has been so long since I wrote anything to you! So much has gone on in the last year and a half it has been amazing! You are such a big boy now, you've turned 3, potty trained and counting and coloring and growing so fast it is all just a blur.
Some of my favorite things from the past year and a half...the night you told Mom that you didn't want to wear a pull up any more...watching football with me (and no matter who was playing, they were the Aggies)...learning to say Gig'em Aggies and Go Aggies...our time together while Mom was traveling...helping me make dinner and breakfast and sometimes lunch...going fishing for the first time with Fletch and Uncle Will...catching your first fish with Granpop's fly rod...the Memorial Day parade with Uncle Jonathan and Aunt Camilla...the way you say "Daddy" when your happy, sad, or scared...listening to you play with your cars...singing along to the Jake and the Neverland Pirates theme song...singing Rainbow Connection...our trip to San Antonio...our trip to Colorado...giving group hugs and kisses...telling me when I should be nice...the way you say "hangerbur" instead of "hamburger"...giving me high fives...always wanting to beat me to the potty...saying "good job Daddy!" when helping you with puzzles or anything else for that matter...asking to go to Costco, and Tom Thumb and Kroger...Hiking at the Nature Center...trick or treating in your Darth Vader costume...reading stories to you at bedtime.
One of my favorites lately is when I tell you a story before bedtime. After we have read books and brushed teeth, and found Douglas and the cars you want to sleep with you ask me to tell you a story. Sometimes you give me the characters and situations other times I make it all up. I try and sneak some sort of lesson into each story, and each story is unique and just a little different. Sometimes they are good stories and sometimes not so good but you never mind. All you want to do is spend a few more minutes with me every day.
I love you,
Dad
I can't believe it has been so long since I wrote anything to you! So much has gone on in the last year and a half it has been amazing! You are such a big boy now, you've turned 3, potty trained and counting and coloring and growing so fast it is all just a blur.
Some of my favorite things from the past year and a half...the night you told Mom that you didn't want to wear a pull up any more...watching football with me (and no matter who was playing, they were the Aggies)...learning to say Gig'em Aggies and Go Aggies...our time together while Mom was traveling...helping me make dinner and breakfast and sometimes lunch...going fishing for the first time with Fletch and Uncle Will...catching your first fish with Granpop's fly rod...the Memorial Day parade with Uncle Jonathan and Aunt Camilla...the way you say "Daddy" when your happy, sad, or scared...listening to you play with your cars...singing along to the Jake and the Neverland Pirates theme song...singing Rainbow Connection...our trip to San Antonio...our trip to Colorado...giving group hugs and kisses...telling me when I should be nice...the way you say "hangerbur" instead of "hamburger"...giving me high fives...always wanting to beat me to the potty...saying "good job Daddy!" when helping you with puzzles or anything else for that matter...asking to go to Costco, and Tom Thumb and Kroger...Hiking at the Nature Center...trick or treating in your Darth Vader costume...reading stories to you at bedtime.
One of my favorites lately is when I tell you a story before bedtime. After we have read books and brushed teeth, and found Douglas and the cars you want to sleep with you ask me to tell you a story. Sometimes you give me the characters and situations other times I make it all up. I try and sneak some sort of lesson into each story, and each story is unique and just a little different. Sometimes they are good stories and sometimes not so good but you never mind. All you want to do is spend a few more minutes with me every day.
I love you,
Dad
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
July 12, 2011
Dear Ethan,
So I have found it to be a little difficult to come up with insightful and poignant, letters with great frequency. I am not going to stop trying though, but some letters might be shorter than others. You seem to be growing and changing every day and right before my eyes. My favorite thing you do now, well two of my favorite things are when you want to be picked up you push me or Mom until we are facing you and then you put your arms up. It is especially heart warming when we are facing the counter in the kitchen and you push on us. The other thing that I love is when I am holding you and I want to put you down and I ask "Can I put you down?" you shake your head "no" and hold on tighter. The greatest feeling in the world is knowing that I am loved by you and you want to be near me.
Love,
Dad
So I have found it to be a little difficult to come up with insightful and poignant, letters with great frequency. I am not going to stop trying though, but some letters might be shorter than others. You seem to be growing and changing every day and right before my eyes. My favorite thing you do now, well two of my favorite things are when you want to be picked up you push me or Mom until we are facing you and then you put your arms up. It is especially heart warming when we are facing the counter in the kitchen and you push on us. The other thing that I love is when I am holding you and I want to put you down and I ask "Can I put you down?" you shake your head "no" and hold on tighter. The greatest feeling in the world is knowing that I am loved by you and you want to be near me.
Love,
Dad
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
I choose life
Ethan,
I don't want to die. I have abused my body for years by eating garbage and doing little to no exercise. I want to live. I want to live to see you graduate from High School, I want to live to see you graduate from college and get married. I want to live to see you live. You and your Mom are the most important people to me and I have to fight now to keep myself around for you and her.
Love,
Dad
I don't want to die. I have abused my body for years by eating garbage and doing little to no exercise. I want to live. I want to live to see you graduate from High School, I want to live to see you graduate from college and get married. I want to live to see you live. You and your Mom are the most important people to me and I have to fight now to keep myself around for you and her.
Love,
Dad
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Loss
Dear Ethan,
Last Friday I had to euthanize our cat Baile. You'll probably not remember him when your older but I'm sure you'll see some pictures. He was my friend and companion for almost 17 years. He was a very special cat and will be missed. When I first got him he was rescued along with the rest of his litter mates and his mother. He came to live in my little one room house in College Station, and spent most of the first 6 weeks with me hiding behind the sofa. He would only come out to eat and he usually did that when I wasn't home. Some of the things that made him special were that he would come when I would call him, most cats just ignore you, and that he would follow me around from room to room. He would also jump up on the bed and scratch the sheets near my head until I let him under the covers. Once there, he would make his way to my feet and curl up and sleep. The last few months were very stressful and difficult, I don't think I realized just how sick he was, and of course he couldn't tell me. He would meow and want food almost constantly, and sometimes when I put it down he wouldn't eat any. It was very difficult. It's strange but I feel relieved that he is no longer suffering. I am glad you are so young that I didn't have to explain any of this to you. You have more than enough time to learn about life and death. I have had to deal with it many times and it never gets any easier. My only advice to you for the future is to keep moving forward. Remember all of the good times and keep moving forward. There will never be another Baile and I don't think I'll ever want another cat, because none could ever be as cool as Baile was.
Miss you buddy!
Dad
Last Friday I had to euthanize our cat Baile. You'll probably not remember him when your older but I'm sure you'll see some pictures. He was my friend and companion for almost 17 years. He was a very special cat and will be missed. When I first got him he was rescued along with the rest of his litter mates and his mother. He came to live in my little one room house in College Station, and spent most of the first 6 weeks with me hiding behind the sofa. He would only come out to eat and he usually did that when I wasn't home. Some of the things that made him special were that he would come when I would call him, most cats just ignore you, and that he would follow me around from room to room. He would also jump up on the bed and scratch the sheets near my head until I let him under the covers. Once there, he would make his way to my feet and curl up and sleep. The last few months were very stressful and difficult, I don't think I realized just how sick he was, and of course he couldn't tell me. He would meow and want food almost constantly, and sometimes when I put it down he wouldn't eat any. It was very difficult. It's strange but I feel relieved that he is no longer suffering. I am glad you are so young that I didn't have to explain any of this to you. You have more than enough time to learn about life and death. I have had to deal with it many times and it never gets any easier. My only advice to you for the future is to keep moving forward. Remember all of the good times and keep moving forward. There will never be another Baile and I don't think I'll ever want another cat, because none could ever be as cool as Baile was.
Miss you buddy!
Dad
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
My favorite part of the day.
Ethan,
It's taken you a while but you have finally adjusted to the new day care we put you in. It was a really tough couple of months but we have both come through it unscathed. Every day you become more and more independent and you get frustrated with Mom and I interfering with you. The other day when I was walking you to the car I was trying to hold your hand but you were pulling away and then used your other hand to push mine away. You also would rather sit at the little table Granny gave you than in your high chair. As independent as you are you still need us! Getting back to my favorite part of the day.....All day I look forward to coming to pick you up from day care. When I walk in that classroom and you show me the biggest smile and come running towards me laughing it makes everything else in this world meaningless.
Love,
Dad
It's taken you a while but you have finally adjusted to the new day care we put you in. It was a really tough couple of months but we have both come through it unscathed. Every day you become more and more independent and you get frustrated with Mom and I interfering with you. The other day when I was walking you to the car I was trying to hold your hand but you were pulling away and then used your other hand to push mine away. You also would rather sit at the little table Granny gave you than in your high chair. As independent as you are you still need us! Getting back to my favorite part of the day.....All day I look forward to coming to pick you up from day care. When I walk in that classroom and you show me the biggest smile and come running towards me laughing it makes everything else in this world meaningless.
Love,
Dad
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