Ethan,
Your mom has been out of town for business for the last ten days and I've missed her terribly. You have probably been slightly aware that something is not quite right in your world and with so many teeth coming in (5 or 6 you won't let me count.) it has been a trying time for you. Thankfully you probably won't remember what you have been going through. It has been a difficult time for me as well, you've grown and changed so much since the last time your mom went out of town. You are becoming a person, your personality is starting to show a little more each day.
I am sure there will be many many more to come, but here are a few lessons I have learned from you over the last ten days.
Lesson 1: I love you more than I could ever tell you. You are in my every thought all day long.
Lesson 2: Patience. You don't always want to cooperate with me, and I am sure that this is just the beginning, but I can't get angry with you or lose my temper because that gets both of us nowhere. It upsets you more, which upsets me more and then a vicious cycle has begun.
Lesson 3: The simple things can be more fun than you can imagine. Your favorite game at the moment is to hide behind the curtain and have me or Aillinn play with you. You giggle and laugh, then poke your head out from behind the curtain as if to say "I'm still here! Keep playing!" Last night you were at the back door playing and all I could see were your legs sticking out from underneath the curtains. I was standing watching, and you poked your head out a few times to see if I was still there. You were so content to just sit there and play, who was I to argue?
Lesson 4: Your pain is my pain. Your suffering is my suffering. You were in so much pain this week from your teeth that you were really not yourself. The hardest thing to deal with was that while you were enduring it there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it. I was in agony watching you sitting in your crib crying, or in your high chair crying, or even sitting in my lap crying. No matter how hard I try I can never spare you from pain and suffering, but what I can offer you is love. Pain, suffering, and love shape us into the people we are, and the people we can become. It will never be easy to see you hurting, but if I had not witnessed what I did, I would not be writing this and understanding how much I love you.
Lesson 5: I miss you when you're not around. You spent the night with your grandmother over the weekend for the first time. It was very difficult to let you go. I found myself thinking when I passed your room that I needed to check on you. When I was making dinner I caught myself thinking "What should I make Ethan for dinner?" and when I woke up the next morning I went to your room but you weren't there. I missed you.
Love,
Dad
