I have decided to document your days. Whether I'll continue to stick with the 21st century and do this on-line, or the old fashioned way with pen and paper has yet to be determined. It will probably end up being a mix of both, because I will not always have access to a computer but I will always have access to a notebook and a pen.
I look back on my life and there are so many holes in my memory. I can't remember many of my birthdays, where I was and what I was doing. In fact I look at photographs of my childhood and the memories play back in my mind like a movie that I am watching. There are no emotions attached to the photographs, they are exactly as they appear to be, fragment's of time frozen forever. I can't attach a meaning to many of them, only stories that I have been told about them. I want you to be able to look back and remember what your childhood was like, although it will be through my eyes I hope it will keep fresh in your mind where you have been, so you will always know where you are going. Some letters will be long and some will be short, and I am human, so some days there will be none. I promise to do my best which is all anyone can ask.
It has been almost a year since you came into our lives and I have changed so much because of you. When your Mom and I were on the way to the hospital I was driving well over the speed limit, and in between contractions your mom said, through clenched lips, "Drive faster!" So I did. We weren't at the hospital for long before you arrived and as I write this it brings tears to my eyes. You were so small and delicate, I was scared to hold you. When we brought you home I drove well under the speed limit, and I'm sure I swore a lot (which I tend to do often) at drivers who I thought were being too reckless around my son.
I was actually scared for a long time to be left alone with you. We had you sleeping in the pack-n-play for a while and I would actually let Mom sleep while I stayed up for your next feeding, it was too hard for me to go to sleep and then wake up in the middle of the night to feed you. There were many nights where I would fall asleep on the sofa with you on my chest, but I never really felt like I was asleep because the moment you stirred or made a noise I was wide awake.
You have been such an amazing child and very little gets you upset. You have yet to have a meltdown in public but I know that may come sooner rather than later. When it does I'm sure it will be a spectacular show.
You're growing up so fast. It feels like there is very little transition between achievements. July 3rd 2010, you were army crawling, and July 4 you were up on all fours speeding around the house! Now you are almost walking! You push around your little buggy, cruise around balancing yourself on the furniture and walk in your walker all over the house, even on the carpet!
Some of my favorite things are when I come into your room in the morning and you smile at me. When you raise your arms up in the air because you want to be picked up. When I pick you up you pat my shoulder with your hand as if to say, " Thanks Dad!"
No, thank you Ethan.
I love you,
Dad
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